Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
