I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
