She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
