Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
