The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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