All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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