I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
