Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
