just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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