It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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