ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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