i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
