Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
