It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
