Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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