Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
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She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You are a booty call, not a friend.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
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Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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