I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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