KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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