All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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