in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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