Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
