She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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