how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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