The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
