new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
