Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
