And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
