my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
