I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Boobs are out for the taking
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
