when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
