Michael Bay diarrhea
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
