I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
whose ass print is on the piano?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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