You're my little dorito
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
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I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
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My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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