Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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