I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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