you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
