my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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