I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
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