the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
