why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
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No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
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Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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