He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
don't judge my taste in strippers
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
