I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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