who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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