hotel room ftw
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
