allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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