He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
