Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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