Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
