brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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