It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
