i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
do herpes really smell.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
