I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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