Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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