so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize