The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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