i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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