I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It's never too late to be topless.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
