random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
