The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
