I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
